twenty-ish

Casual sex is good for you. Not only for singles but for couples too.

I have casual sex. I casually have sex with my boyfriend. Sometimes I shave my legs, sometimes I don’t. You don’t always have to dress to impress or wear the laciest underthings. Everyday we hear about how to rekindle that spark, add romance to our bedrooms and how to contort our bodies in crazy ways but casual sex within a relationship should also be praised and applauded. It feels good. Makes us feel good. And, chances are, probably won’t land you in the ER.

You can still have casual sex within a relationship. Contrary to popular belief, it is not reserved solely for singles or those in open relationships. That’s not what this is about. Casual, unplanned naked time where one thing leads to another. I’m not using “spontaneous” because it’s loaded with a ton of pressure. These days, you can pick up a number of magazines that will gladly drill “be spontaneous” into your heads and your beds. But that tends to fuel questions like “Am I spontaneous enough?” and various other feelings of inadequacy. You don’t have to be anything. If you’re in the mood & so is your boo, than that’s all that matters. Not stubble, not chipped nail polish, not your hair do.

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“Balance” and “moderation” are preached in nearly every area of our lives except for the bedroom. There’s this endless need to make it hotter, longer and better than the last, as if we’re competing for gold in the “Big O-lympics.” We are figuratively sucking the fun out of sex. The only thing worse than not getting enough of the good stuff is the pressure to be wilder, sexier and infinitely more skilled than every single time before. Fuck that. There’s no need to get all fancy every single time.

Don’t bend over backwards in an impossible position if you’re not feeling it. You can always catch a yoga class, when you’re less likely to pull a muscle in your groin. We should be easing cramps, not creating them. Besides, research says you’re not burning that many calories bumping & grinding anyway.

When is comes to casual sex within a relationship, we’re really talking about comfortable sex. Did you just cringe? Relax. When you’re comfortable in the moment and with each other, who’s to say you need anything else? People have been having sex long before rouge, high heels and handcuffs. Just wake up and on the right side of bed? If you’re partner’s up for the occasion, no reason why you need to skip to the loo, my darling. Try and be present. Casual sex should be something we can easily slide into.

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There’s no shame in initiating sexy time sans lingerie. Or binge watching a series on Netflix and engaging in foreplay. No candles? No problem. Shit won’t magically catch on fire while you’re busy getting busy. Your local fire department will thank you.

Not every sex session needs to bathed in candlelight accompanied by long, loving glances. Similarly, we don’t always need to perform like we’re auditioning for HBO. Sometimes bodies can just be bodies, even if you already know each other’s middle names.

Sure, laid back coupled sex might be the jean & t-shirt equivalent to a date night romp, but it’s still great. Don’t let the mixed signals fool you. Only you know what kind of sex you should or shouldn’t be having (or even at all). Your best bet? Do what suits the both (or all, if that’s more your thing) of you. If that looks a lot more casual, that’s okay too.