Tag Archives: love

Casual Sex Not Just For The Single

couple intimate

Casual sex is good for you. Not only for singles but for couples too.

I have casual sex. I casually have sex with my boyfriend. Sometimes I shave my legs, sometimes I don’t. You don’t always have to dress to impress or wear the laciest underthings. Everyday we hear about how to rekindle that spark, add romance to our bedrooms and how to contort our bodies in crazy ways but casual sex within a relationship should also be praised and applauded. It feels good. Makes us feel good. And, chances are, probably won’t land you in the ER.

You can still have casual sex within a relationship. Contrary to popular belief, it is not reserved solely for singles or those in open relationships. That’s not what this is about. Casual, unplanned naked time where one thing leads to another. I’m not using “spontaneous” because it’s loaded with a ton of pressure. These days, you can pick up a number of magazines that will gladly drill “be spontaneous” into your heads and your beds. But that tends to fuel questions like “Am I spontaneous enough?” and various other feelings of inadequacy. You don’t have to be anything. If you’re in the mood & so is your boo, than that’s all that matters. Not stubble, not chipped nail polish, not your hair do.

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“Balance” and “moderation” are preached in nearly every area of our lives except for the bedroom. There’s this endless need to make it hotter, longer and better than the last, as if we’re competing for gold in the “Big O-lympics.” We are figuratively sucking the fun out of sex. The only thing worse than not getting enough of the good stuff is the pressure to be wilder, sexier and infinitely more skilled than every single time before. Fuck that. There’s no need to get all fancy every single time.

Don’t bend over backwards in an impossible position if you’re not feeling it. You can always catch a yoga class, when you’re less likely to pull a muscle in your groin. We should be easing cramps, not creating them. Besides, research says you’re not burning that many calories bumping & grinding anyway.

When is comes to casual sex within a relationship, we’re really talking about comfortable sex. Did you just cringe? Relax. When you’re comfortable in the moment and with each other, who’s to say you need anything else? People have been having sex long before rouge, high heels and handcuffs. Just wake up and on the right side of bed? If you’re partner’s up for the occasion, no reason why you need to skip to the loo, my darling. Try and be present. Casual sex should be something we can easily slide into.

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There’s no shame in initiating sexy time sans lingerie. Or binge watching a series on Netflix and engaging in foreplay. No candles? No problem. Shit won’t magically catch on fire while you’re busy getting busy. Your local fire department will thank you.

Not every sex session needs to bathed in candlelight accompanied by long, loving glances. Similarly, we don’t always need to perform like we’re auditioning for HBO. Sometimes bodies can just be bodies, even if you already know each other’s middle names.

Sure, laid back coupled sex might be the jean & t-shirt equivalent to a date night romp, but it’s still great. Don’t let the mixed signals fool you. Only you know what kind of sex you should or shouldn’t be having (or even at all). Your best bet? Do what suits the both (or all, if that’s more your thing) of you. If that looks a lot more casual, that’s okay too.

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Kickin’ It Wit’ My Daddy

True, all healthy father/daughter relationships are beautiful. Still, this one is special to me. Not long ago, me & my daddy looked a lot like that. We never had an elaborate handshake (Can we, please?) but he made sure to squeeze in numerous noogies instead. Like Kayliyah and her daddy, we also shared music. In fact, growing up I used to “borrow” his CDs. For us, bonding over music was an everyday thing. Each old school jam on the radio incited a well warranted “who’s singing?”

Just today, with the volume turned up, it hit me, “I really am my father’s daughter”. Like so many times when I would come home from school, hearing Kool & The Gang all the way down the block; here I was, in my own living room, doing the exact same thing. And when “Too Hot” stopped, The Commodores took over, and I carried on shuffling my feet.

See, when you’re little, and your Daddy is damn near 6 feet (his words, not mine) you figure all daddies must do strange things. As I fumbled through adolescence I thought, “why is he doing this to me?” But now? Now all those oldies but goodies feel perfectly familiar and bring back happy memories.

He always say he love me, and my daddy show me.

We haven’t kicked it in a while, Daddy & me. It’s been a few years actually. And no, nothing bad happened. Why then? Because he’s back home supporting me and my big life dreams. I’m studying abroad so we no longer ride in the diamond lane, play Duke Nukem (with all the cheats), or gobble down mountains of Baskin-Robbins’ Pralines & Cream. Instead, we’ve settled for phone calls, texts and FaceTime sessions which are few and far between.

But, I agree. Kickin’ it wit’ my daddy is pretty great, even if he tricked me (multiple times) into getting in the carpool lane.

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