Tag Archives: shots

Jäger, Friends and Bad Exes

jagermeister shot

Jäger is like a bad ex-boyfriend. Your friends will tell you to leave that guy alone, that he’s not good for you, bad news and that it never ends well. Where is the solid advice when the brown, syrupy mistake you keep making is on the table (or bar) in front of you? As damaging as an unhealthy, back and forth relationship, shots of Jäger leave you closure-less and perhaps just as confused. The last time you slipped up you decided that it had to be “the last time”, but we all know that’s not true. It’s funny, fewer (read: zero) people will snatch a shot of Jäger out of your hands, but these so-called friends get conveniently grabby when you try to drunk dial your mistakes instead of slinging them back. Your friends are probably the ones serving you shots, pinning your weak willpower against you, delighting in that face you make when Jäger’s stuck in the back of your throat.

This time won’t be any different. Suddenly, last night’s licorice set dates turn into today’s problems and everyone’s phone is lost, dead or mid-text crafting broken promises with words like “I can’t” and “sorry”. Today we won’t be joining each other in anything except maybe our collective disdain for Jäger. You see, even the people that claim they “have a thing for it” can hardly look at the bottle the next day. Like waking up in a bed that’s familiar, at an address you can’t forget, it’s hard to stare your shortcomings in the face. Instead of fumbling through strewn about clothes, you’re putting bottles back, way back in the fridge because you can’t stomach the faintest smell of it.

Sadly, better judgment doesn’t come in a green tinted bottle but, unlike being caught creeping out of the wrong apartment, at least most friends condone this version of a hot mess. If we have to think “how many?” then I’m sure we’ve had enough. Neither of us will remember the heart to heart we had when you slurred at me “you deserve better”. I agree. I do deserve better. Bad exes and even worse shots leave a bitter taste in my mouth but you only forbid me from one of them. ‘Meister is acceptable, but Mr. Mistake is not. Why? I guess chasing Jäger is a lot more social than the other kind of mistake. This, we can do together. And over this we’ll bond, jinxing each other as we swear “never again”. See, we can thank Jäger for that.

But when do we move on? When are we going to start poking fun at each other and say things like “remember Jäger?”, nostalgic about the terrible choices we made. How much longer until the name sits on the very tip of our tongues as we stumble over “Meis, Meis whaddyacallit”, but never actually remembering? How many weeks will go by before it comes to us in an instant, proudly shouting “Jägermeister!” . What relief we’ll hear in our loved ones’ voices when they sigh “Yes!”. I can’t wait for that moment, the one where I swoop in and save the day because it had been driving you crazy. We’ll laugh at that stupid thing we did, glad we moved on.

It’s hard to say how and when it’ll end, but it will. Maybe our favorite bars will become old haunts and we won’t run into Jäger anymore. One day we’ll stop referring to it affectionately with nicknames and call it by its full name like a kid in trouble. Each syllable will send shudders down our spines and make us gag at the memory alone. We won’t have a clue what we thinking back then. But for now, we’ll probably keep caving in and necking shot glasses of Jäger until, like bad ex-boyfriends with blurry boundaries, we outgrow our bad habits.

Traducido en español por Patricia Trigueros para Xpressate.net

Photo By Kris Olin via http://imagefinder.co/

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Pre-planned Hangovers

pint beer

After a certain age, hangovers should be planned. Now, that doesn’t mean you can’t spontaneously have a night out on the town, but it does mean that you need to be prepared when you get home. Waking up in some new kind of hell, because it seems as we get older hangovers get stronger, longer and infinitely more evil, ultimately becomes unacceptable. There are a number of ways to prepare yourself for the drinking aftermath. I swear by bubbles. I refuse to be hungover and without the fizzy little bastards. When you don’t have whatever it is you need, you’ll curse that very same thing. Luckily, I’ve started buying a bottle (or two) of sparkling water to have around just in case. It’s a pretty solid insurance policy. Especially in the summer months where there tends to be a lot of goodbye parties, visiting friends and the odd quiz night where you end up winning a meter of shots.

After I sleepily downed nearly a liter of my saving grace, I was pretty damn spritely. Now water can do many things, but it does not make for a good meal. The last thing I’m trying to do while fighting off last night’s demons is to whip up anything time consuming. Ideally, this is where leftovers come in. They’re free, prepared and sometimes you don’t even have to heat them. Those are my favorite. Second best would be pizza. I’ve been guilty of drunkenly pre-ordering. I’m fairly sure that’s why Domino’s lets you schedule next day delivery in the wee hours of the morning. Who is soberly ordering pizza after 2am? Sometimes your wallet might hate you. Sometimes the doorbell becomes your mortal enemy. But every single time, you will eventually need to roll out of bed and get the damn pizza. Some days that is an easy feat but every now and again you feel like you’re training for a triathlon just trying to get some semblance of food into your belly. The day bedside pizza delivery happens will be a very joyous and dark day. I might just eat myself into a food coma I cannot come back from.

Now, I’m not one for popping pills, but sometimes even I give in. And when I do, it seems like the heavens open just enough to shine on my medicine cabinet with the Advil sat there, glittering in all its glory. You do not want to be caught empty handed with a tear-inducing headache. Especially not when shots happened the night before. Keeping a bottle of relief on hand will make you want to high-five your past self for being a responsible adult, especially when you mixed alcohols, despite knowing better.

I don’t know how many hangovers it takes to finally start planning for them. My guess is it’s different for everyone. All I do know is I’ve had enough, and I refuse to curl up in a ball and be punished for having a good time. If you’re not pre-planning your hangovers, you are essentially just punishing yourself. And we all could use less of that, and more self high-fives for being smart about it. If being equipped to take on a hangover (and the rest of your day) isn’t an act of self-love, I don’t know what is! I’ll cheers to that, but maybe not just yet.

Shout out to my team 43, for placing in last night’s quiz. Without you, I would not have blogged today. (Totally named our team after a bottle of delicious, vanilla flavoured booze. Should’ve known where the night was heading!)

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