Tag Archives: twenty-something

Casual Sex Not Just For The Single

couple intimate

Casual sex is good for you. Not only for singles but for couples too.

I have casual sex. I casually have sex with my boyfriend. Sometimes I shave my legs, sometimes I don’t. You don’t always have to dress to impress or wear the laciest underthings. Everyday we hear about how to rekindle that spark, add romance to our bedrooms and how to contort our bodies in crazy ways but casual sex within a relationship should also be praised and applauded. It feels good. Makes us feel good. And, chances are, probably won’t land you in the ER.

You can still have casual sex within a relationship. Contrary to popular belief, it is not reserved solely for singles or those in open relationships. That’s not what this is about. Casual, unplanned naked time where one thing leads to another. I’m not using “spontaneous” because it’s loaded with a ton of pressure. These days, you can pick up a number of magazines that will gladly drill “be spontaneous” into your heads and your beds. But that tends to fuel questions like “Am I spontaneous enough?” and various other feelings of inadequacy. You don’t have to be anything. If you’re in the mood & so is your boo, than that’s all that matters. Not stubble, not chipped nail polish, not your hair do.

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“Balance” and “moderation” are preached in nearly every area of our lives except for the bedroom. There’s this endless need to make it hotter, longer and better than the last, as if we’re competing for gold in the “Big O-lympics.” We are figuratively sucking the fun out of sex. The only thing worse than not getting enough of the good stuff is the pressure to be wilder, sexier and infinitely more skilled than every single time before. Fuck that. There’s no need to get all fancy every single time.

Don’t bend over backwards in an impossible position if you’re not feeling it. You can always catch a yoga class, when you’re less likely to pull a muscle in your groin. We should be easing cramps, not creating them. Besides, research says you’re not burning that many calories bumping & grinding anyway.

When is comes to casual sex within a relationship, we’re really talking about comfortable sex. Did you just cringe? Relax. When you’re comfortable in the moment and with each other, who’s to say you need anything else? People have been having sex long before rouge, high heels and handcuffs. Just wake up and on the right side of bed? If you’re partner’s up for the occasion, no reason why you need to skip to the loo, my darling. Try and be present. Casual sex should be something we can easily slide into.

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There’s no shame in initiating sexy time sans lingerie. Or binge watching a series on Netflix and engaging in foreplay. No candles? No problem. Shit won’t magically catch on fire while you’re busy getting busy. Your local fire department will thank you.

Not every sex session needs to bathed in candlelight accompanied by long, loving glances. Similarly, we don’t always need to perform like we’re auditioning for HBO. Sometimes bodies can just be bodies, even if you already know each other’s middle names.

Sure, laid back coupled sex might be the jean & t-shirt equivalent to a date night romp, but it’s still great. Don’t let the mixed signals fool you. Only you know what kind of sex you should or shouldn’t be having (or even at all). Your best bet? Do what suits the both (or all, if that’s more your thing) of you. If that looks a lot more casual, that’s okay too.

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The Little Engine That Could & Why It’s Okay to Regress

The Little Engine That Could As we grow, our confidence doesn’t always follow. Maybe if we were picking up The Little Engine That Could before bedtime or any time, we’d feel and act differently. There are so many chances for your confidence to get bruised, adulthood is no different. In fact, your twenties can be a particularly challenging time. And yes, maybe there’s a Ted Talk with your name on it that really strikes a chord. Great! Some of us, (I hope I’m not alone here) would rather revisit childhood favorites and regress in a healthy, productive way.

Regression gets a bad rap being tacked onto too many negative connotations, but it doesn’t have to be. As adults, we are bombarded with a ton of messages saying we can’t, we shouldn’t, or simply don’t, some of which come directly from ourselves. But remember The Little Engine That Could? Remember the rhythmic mantra “I think I can”? Mottos and mantras don’t have to be exchanged for new, shinier, mature ones if our childhood gems do the trick. (If it ain’t broke…) There’s no reason why we can’t latch onto the repetition of those four small words if they ignite something within us to try, and believe we can. Plus, maybe as kids we had it all were doing something right. 20140807-092247.jpg Do me a favor? When you get to the top of that mountain (and you will), and you’re staring down at all you’ve overcome, channel Samuel L. Jackson to the best of your ability and say: “Choo Choo, motherfucker”. Done? Go ahead and drop a bill in a swear jar for being a total badass. Inner child status: proud. Worth it!

What other children’s books should we revisit as adults?

Note: If for some reason having a kiddie book laying around isn’t your thing, you could always gift it at your next baby shower. (Anyone else got a News Feed full of babies and mommies to be?)
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